http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/daisy-coleman-maryville-rape

So if you actually read this story there is much more to it than just feminist outrage.  It is a very clear example of why there is outrage against feminism.

Rape is never the victims FAULT, but that doesn’t mean that there was nothing the victim could do.  There are very rare cases where there really was nothing the victim should have or really even could have done differently.  When a panel van pulls up and grabs you off the street, or in the parking lot of the grocery store, there is little to nothing that the victim could have or should have done differently.  People should be free and secure enough to walk down the street or go grocery shopping with out fear of rape.  When armed rapists kick in your door, there is nothing you should have done differently.  These kinds of rape are so very rare that they are almost discountable.  Much more common are stories like Daisy’s.

“My mom didn’t know we were drinking, and I was not supposed to be.”

So the actual events start with her drinking with a friend, breaking the law and ignoring good advice.  And yes, there is a HUGE difference between a 25 year old having 2-3 drinks and a 14 year old getting hammered.  She really shouldn’t have been drinking.

“That night I was texting with a boy that my older brother had warned me about, but I didn’t listen.”

So after impairing herself against the instructions and wishes of the people trying to protect her, she engages in dangerous behaviors that she has been warned against.

“It wasn’t until later that night that Matt, a popular senior boy, had asked to hang out. Of course, I knew my brothers wouldn’t allow this so, we had to sneak out.”

So after impairing herself and engaging in dubious texting, she again circumvents the protections in place to protect her.  If this was not an unreasonably dangerous situation then the brother would not have warned her about the dude and wouldn’t have stopped her from visiting him.  She intentionally and knowingly engaged in VERY high risk activities.

“Matt emerged from one of the bedrooms with a bottle of clear alcohol he wanted me to drink.”

Now after she has already chosen to get drunk, already chosen to engage in dubious texting, already chosen to circumvent protections and sneak out, already chosen to hang out with an “older” guy, and is now being pressured to drink more.  This is where her agency starts to get fuzzy.  Peer pressure is a huge thing.  That last drink that put her out was the tipping point.

Everything before that one last drink was 100% under her control and her choice.  If we are to understand the situation and prevent it for happening to others, we need to seriously look at her actions.  Even that last drink was questionably under her control.  She did have the option of saying “NO”, but the social pressure and already drunken state makes that last drink questionably not her choice.

After that last drink she was out cold.  She was unconscious.  She was dead to the world.  Anything and everything that happened to her after she passed out is indisputably not her choice.  The rape was not her choice.  Everything before that one last drink was her choice.  She chose to put herself into the situation where the rape happened.  She chose to break the law and disobey her parent by getting drunk.  She chose to disregard her bothers advice on who to deal with.  She chose to disregard and circumvent the protections intended to keep her safe by sneaking out.

She is not at fault for the rape, but she is very clearly guilty of contributory negligence about her own safety.  If we don’t look at and condemn this negligence then we are doing very little to protect people from rape.  If we don’t look at and condemn this negligence then we are only encouraging more girls to create this situation where rape could happen.

One last point.  Let us pretend that no rape happened.  Instead of that one last drink at his place, the car slid on some ice and got in a really nasty wreck.  How much time should be dedicated to talking about this bad thing that happened, a bad thing that is much more common than rape.  How much of that discussion would be about HER mistakes since there isn’t an evil penis to blame for everything.  Neither the theoretical wreck or the rape where her fault.  She made all of the exact same mistakes in both situations.  Had the bad thing that happened been a wreck we wouldn’t hesitate to talk about her mistakes.  The discussion needs to include her mistakes even when the bad thing that happened was rape.

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